I will die if light touches me.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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