careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
