but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
