So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
...so i touched it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
