I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
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