She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
