Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
