My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
