I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
