a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize