Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
