ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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