So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This toilet bowl is my home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
