I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
