So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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