I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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