Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
