i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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