Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
