I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
