oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
