If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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