i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
