Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
