Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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