four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
they're like a gay fantastic four
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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