she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
