help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
