she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
