He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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