Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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