if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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