i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
