This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
