There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Another day, another engagement, another cat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
