grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
