I have demons in me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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