sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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