Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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