i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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