i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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