I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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