Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
