Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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