no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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