1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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