Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
