someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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