Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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