Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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