i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
