Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
