I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
