Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
