at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
