I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Randomize
