I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
