There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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