I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize