You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
