Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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