How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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