Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
