I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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