Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
