hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
