I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
