Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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