Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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