I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
