I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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