We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
