Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
