I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did I show you my penis last night?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize