FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
