i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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