i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
