she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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