I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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