I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize