I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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