Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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