you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
