Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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