he shaved USA in his pubs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i believe in u and ur pee
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
