if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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