Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
FUCK WHALES
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
