So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
