I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
