Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize