I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
