I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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